


Until the Levee

by undeads (poetanarchy)



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions Of Violent Acts, platonic, self-torture
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-07
Updated: 2016-06-07
Packaged: 2018-07-12 21:57:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7123948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poetanarchy/pseuds/undeads
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony now believes Hydra is responsible for his parents' murders but Bucky still holds himself responsible for every Winter Soldier assassination.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until the Levee

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: http://avengerkink.livejournal.com/21013.html?thread=52975893#t52975893
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JcX7bJQZLL4 - the title song  
> https://open.spotify.com/user/poetanarchy/playlist/7xYl4Ow72RtoZY1PSDka2k - playlist this was written to

The room that Tony had given to Bucky was probably one of the sparser rooms in the Avengers Compound. At least Tony wasn’t trying to kill him anymore, though, Bucky could hardly blame him if he did. It probably would have been justice Bucky would be glad to see served if Tony did kill him. The rage that had come from Tony had seemed to dim over the weeks but the turmoil inside of Bucky hadn’t. 

When he wasn’t forcing himself to appear normal for Steve, Bucky was holed up in that room. The room still had a comfortable bed -- too comfortable -- and more furniture than any bedroom really needed. However, the most used item was the desk. Bucky would sit at the desk for hours and hours. It was covered in files. He’d stare at them, slowly turning the pages and his memories dancing vividly in his mind. Murder and torture and too many heinous acts to count. 

He was glad that his metal arm was gone. He felt like part of the hold of The Winter Soldier had been blown away but the memories… Every single one… He was looking at one of the files, a little girl. He had murdered a child. Grief tightened his throat and his hand rested over the picture of a perfectly innocent little girl shot in the forehead. The mission… he’d never even asked why. 

A sob wrenched its way from his throat and then a guttural howl of pain. The images playing over and over and he broke down. He deserved this. He could never forget. He deserved to relive the actions he’d taken over and over, torture himself with the faces of his victims and memories of mangled corpses. 

\---

It’d taken quite some time for Tony to stop seeing Bucky as responsible for the murder of his parents. Bucky had done it but HYDRA was responsible. Taking his anger out on someone who had been brainwashed he’d come to the conclusion, was a waste of his anger. It was still hard to look at Bucky Barnes and not see the face of his parents’ murderer. Those images of seared into his mind but with some help of a therapist he’d been secretly seeing… he was starting to disassociate the two things. 

So, when he walked by the room that Bucky was staying in and heard pitiful sounds of grief? Pain? Coming from inside, he felt a tinge of worry. Compassion. Who would have known he was capable of feeling that for Bucky. It was a far cry from deciding he wouldn’t outright blame the man. But those sounds were haunting, they reminded Tony of something far too close to home. 

Tony didn’t knock or open the door. That wasn’t his style. “F.R.I.D.A.Y, can you tell me what our little Bucky has been up to?” he asked the all knowing system he had created to take the place of Jarvis. “Certainly, he’s collected the case files for all The Winter Soldier’s missions. I helped requisition--”

“That’s enough,” Tony cut the computerized voice off. He already knew enough then. He knew what those sounds meant and why they felt so familiar. Now, what was he going to do about it? His hand rubbed against his chin as he stared back toward the room. He’d moved out of hearing range -- the pain in the cries he heard had been too much to keep listening while he investigated. 

A plan formed in his head but it required waiting. He went to his office, turning on the security feed for the hallway outside of Bucky’s room. 

\---

Tony sat in the desk chair, staring at the door, his hands steepled as he waited. He’d turned all the lights on in the room. There was no need to make it more surprising than it would be already. When Bucky had left his room -- probably to go to the gym -- Tony had left his own office and went to the room. He didn’t tell anyone his plans because they probably wouldn’t believe he was doing it for Bucky’s well being anyway. Alone, he had confiscated all the files, noticing that the one with his parents was the most worn and feeling a twist in his heart before he put it away. He wouldn’t do to himself what Bucky had been doing. 

The files were hidden away in another part of the compound before he sat back in Bucky’s room, in the chair that the man had been in most likely when Tony had heard those cries. 

Minutes turned to hours and Tony wasn’t honestly sure why he was doing this. It’s not as if he cared about Bucky. He didn’t. He could’ve just confiscated the files and just left Bucky wondering where they went and unable to torture himself with them but that wasn’t enough. Why was he here? Whether he admitted it or not, he was here because he saw himself in Bucky’s actions. 

Finally, the door opened and Bucky stopped immediately before even fully entering the room his brown eyes trained on Tony. Tony saw now what he had missed before. There was so much pain and guilt in those eyes. It called out to the kindred emotions inside of Tony that he never wanted to admit to having. He wasn’t a murderer… there were just accidents that he was involved in that got people killed but the logic did little to assuage the guilt that kept him up at night and ruining his liver with alcohol. 

“About time you got here, I was about to take a nap,” Tony said, nodding toward the door. He left out his common reference to Bucky as ‘soldier-sicle” it no longer felt funny or clever. 

\---

A fleeting worried panic rippled through Bucky when he saw Tony in his room. The other appeared calm, though, and Bucky decided it was a civil situation. He stepped all the way into the room and closed the door behind him. Behind Tony, he finally noticed the desk was empty. His eyes widened. “What did you do?” he asked. There was no anger, simply exhaustion. 

“I decided that since you were intent on torturing yourself I was going to take away your tools,” Tony replied, and he sounded a little haughty to Bucky. Bucky watched him as he stood, the Ironman’s arms crossing over his chest as he walked around the room. “I heard you,” Tony said, looking at Bucky as he made each pacing step. 

Tony could say he was doing this for Bucky but therapy had been doing well for him. The next words, were for himself as much as they were for Bucky. “I forgive you.” 

Bucky just stared at Tony, arm at his side and looking at him disbelieving. The expression in his eyes was pained but there was a small flicker of something brighter there than before.

“I forgive you and I won’t allow you to torture yourself. You’re not responsible and you’re useless to us if you don’t learn to forgive yourself.” 

Bucky opened his mouth but no words came out. A strangled cry followed and he turned away, facing the door but there was no way to run. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this. Tears had formed, tears of guilt and regret. He tried to hold his breath until the sob passed but it didn’t and his shoulders were shaking. The forgiveness lifted a weight but the emotions that it brought up were overwhelming. He could hear Tony moving behind him and he didn’t even bother to worry about what he was doing. 

Arms wrapped around Bucky from behind, a warm body pressing against him, holding him. Tony didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. There was silent comfort and camaraderie offered from the least expected source and Bucky slacked against him giving into the sobs.

\---

Tony stared at Bucky’s face. He’d stayed with Bucky and the man had cried himself to sleep. Tony didn’t find it the least pathetic. Even if he’d never told anyone he’d had his own nights where he had fallen asleep crying, even more when Pepper hadn’t been there. He didn’t leave even when Bucky fell asleep. He sat against the headboard, working on designs on a pad in his lap. 

When Bucky woke up, Tony wanted him to know that Tony was going to be there and that his forgiveness was real.


End file.
